dreams, drudgery, and astrology

Another long lie in the dark: woke at 2:50, was still awake when the alarm went off at 5:30. Then I dozed for half an hour and had dreams. The last one:

of being in an underground passage, painted white or cream. Is it an emergency? I'm at a junction with a passage leading up to the left, or down to the right. Someone is coming up from the right. Even though the left passage leads back to the surface, I decide to go right, to see what's down there, where the tunnel goes.

I hurry down the ever-turning little tunnel, which is well lit, but deserted. Through arches, down little sets of stairs. I'm flying like a wraith, moving quickly. Down, down, and no end in sight. I realize I'm in a dream. There are some mounds of white powder--bodies buried in lime? Down I go--will I wind up in some evil place, like hell? Will I be trapped down here? Is there any way out? Even though it's a dream, can I choose simply to float up through the solid rock? It doesn’t feel like it--I feel as bound to this place as though it were real. But then it loses its grip, and I'm awake.

Up. I made coffee for three, since Robin is back home, but Robin overslept and had to rush out without drinking any.

I keyed notes from From Eden to Exile. I'm in chapter 13: Saul and the Hebrew Revolt. Rohl's book has moved into a period of great relevance for me, since the Essenes looked back to the origin of Israel's monarchy to predict how and when it would be restored. The biblical Saul--Hebrew Shaul, "asked for", referring to the fact that a king was asked for by the Israelite tribal chiefs in the 11th century BC--was the coronation name of a man named Labaya ("great lion [of Yah]"). Likewise his usurper-successor Elhanan ("El shows favor"), who was given the coronation title Dud or Dwd ("beloved" of Yahweh), known to us as David.

Fascinating, and first I've heard of these things. I'm sure this information will be folded into the mix.

On to my writing day. I did have one: I wrote 3 pages, after some nervous fussing. I can't say my heart was in it; perhaps I didn't give my heart a chance to get in it. I'm suffering the terrible writer's problem of hearing a mantra muttered continuously in my head as I work: "this is dumb this is dumb this is dumb this is dumb..." It's not helpful, I don't even think it's true.

A testing time. How will I meet the challenge of eroded motivation and growing doubt? I know what the right thing to do is: soldier on, keep writing, and get it done. The question: will I be able to make myself?

Transiting Saturn, just entered Leo, is moving into an opposition to my natal Sun. All Saturn transits are tests, this one more severe than many: a test of my core self. Typically this transit is accompanied by feelings of low energy, blockage, and world-weariness. At the same time, this month I will also be experiencing two transits of Jupiter: first its sextile to my natal Uranus, which tends to bring new ideas, changes of routine, and solutions to problems; followed immediately by its transit over my Ascendant in Libra, which tends to create feelings of wellbeing, optimism, and to bring helpful people and circumstances into one's life.

Let's see what happens.